Sometimes they just don’t align with reality. Often our social conditioning leads us to anticipate outcomes based on considered norms, or past experiences around what we expect to happen, or how we think people should behave. We are surprised or disappointed when this doesn’t happen. When actually, often it was never guaranteed in the first place…
I often hear about this with managers I work with, usually when they feel disappointed or frustrated that someone has behaved differently than they expected, or what ‘they’ would have done in their shoes.
My reason for sharing today is absolutely not work-related. It’s a very personal tale.
Meet Cooper, our German short-haired pointer and the dog I waited so very long to own. He is the most gorgeous, loving boy, very easy to train, a so-called Velcro dog who loves being around humans and other dogs. Never showed any aggressive behaviour, and so very smart. He brought something extra into my world that I didn’t realise was missing until he arrived at 15 weeks old.
Most days we do the same walk, he does it like it’s his first time, noticing new sights and smells and seeing joy in every step. In humans, we call this mindfulness and we could certainly take a leaf out of his book, rather than allow our minds to churn through what comes next, or what went before. Cooper makes us laugh every single day with his antics, zoomies, facial expressions and 360 spins (my particular favourite) when he is excited about something. His playful nature and boundless energy keep us fit and on our toes, thinking of how next to challenge him. Then there’s the sleepy dog full of love and cuddles, who is a master of odd sleeping positions and loves a tummy or ear rub.
After various vet visits since the end of April with what we thought was conjunctivitis, on 20/6/23 he was diagnosed with cancer. Further tests and a 3D scan confirmed soft tissue sarcoma, inoperable and very aggressive, which had already begun to invade his facial bone structure. No real insights as to how these cancers begin and apparently it could be any number of things, but by the time it presents itself, it’s usually too late to treat – which was the case for Cooper. Up until this point I was expecting a cure, I have to be honest…
We blocked out the future and focused on living in the moment and doing all his favourite things. Fast forward a few more weeks and after a tough 36 hours my husband and I found ourselves in the devastating position of saying goodnight to our boy one last time on 13/07/23. We hoped he would reach his 2nd birthday, which will be 2/8/23. Of course, we could have tried more medication, however I believe that Cooper’s expectations of us were to make the right decisions, which I hope at the end that we did, however painful that feels for us.
Some may say he’s just a dog – if you’ve never had a pet then you may not understand the depth of our grief, but to us he was so much more. 86.5 weeks of him relying on us for everything and us relying on him. We know from messages that he gained the affections of everyone who met him and if well wishes could have saved him, I’d have been greeted by that waggy tail and big stretch when I came downstairs this morning and he’d be with us until his old age.
Cooper shone like a very bright star for such a short time. We expected longer, I had lots of plans for this special boy and fully expected a good number of years. It isn’t normal for this to happen to such a young dog, but it happened to him.
So I’m sharing this to manage expectations of me right now and as a tribute to our pup who helped to bring some balance into our lives. If I’m quieter than normal at the moment, or perhaps a little slower to respond, please bear with me as I try to settle into a new routine.
I like to think there is a lesson here somewhere, but I’m not sure exactly what. I think there is room for some reflection around the expectations we set for ourselves and others – be it work colleagues, friends, families or even our pets. When we get those feelings of disappointment, frustration, or anger – maybe ask, “am I being realistic?” “Did I set out my expectations clearly at the outset?” In some cases like mine, it’s impossible to plan for, but in other areas of life such as the workplace and even with our loved ones, there is room for more clarity so that we set the stage for others to meet us there. Or maybe just some kindness if things don’t happen as we want them to, as you never quite know what others are dealing with beyond your own immediate needs.
